Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Truth Tuesday: Mormon Style

In order to fully appreciate today's post, you have to understand what I mean when I use the phrase "Claire laughed." Claire's laugh isn't your average high-pitched giggle. It's a full on growl/laugh. See below to understand what I'm talking about:

These are what we call the *Claire laugh.

This week's Truth Tuesday is going to be a little different. I want to give you all a glimpse of what a typical Sacrament meeting is like for the Preece family. For those of you who have already had the joy of witnessing Claire during church, remind me of what details I'm missing (or more likely, suppressing from my memory).

8:50: We arrive at church. I wonder to myself why we get here early, because that's just an additional ten minutes of trying to keep a two year old quietly entertained. 

8:52: Claire asks for her 7th toy out of the church bag. I get nervous-at this rate, we'll be out of toys before 9:00. 
8:57: Claire asks for a snack. She stuffs apple into her mouth and yells "YUM!!!" after every bite. She pulls each apple peel piece out of her mouth and puts it on my skirt. 
9:03: Church starts. I tell Claire it's time to be reverent. She *laughs.
9:05: Claire sings the alphabet. "A B C D E F G H Y J K L M M O P Q R S T V double X Y N Z. Next time next time next time sing a meeeee."
9:06: We sing the opening song. Claire cries because she's not holding her own hymn book. We hand her a hymn book and she laughs*. 
9:09: At the end of the song, I tell Claire to fold her arms for the prayer. She sticks her two pointer fingers together in front of her and asks if that is close enough. I tell her to fold her arms, not her fingers. Claire *laughs. 
9:10: Claire hears "Jesus Christ" during the middle of the opening prayer, and thinks that means it's the end of the prayer. She yells "Amen!" 
9:15: Claire pulls her Minnie Mouse stickers out of her bag. She names every body part she sticks one on. "Nooooose" (puts a sticker on her nose) "Faaaaaace" (puts a sticker on her cheek) "Other faaaace" (puts a sticker on her other cheek). 
9:16: The sacrament prayer ends and Claire yells "AMEN!" multiple times.
9:18: Claire knows that after the second prayer she gets a piece of bread. She repeats "bread bread BREAD BREAAAAAAAD" until the bread comes.
9:19: "Water next. Water next. Water next." Someone sitting around us laughs at her so she says it even louder. "WATER NEXT. WATER NEXT. WATER NEXT."
9:21: Richie holds Claire's sacrament cup for her and she takes a tiny sip of water, slurping as loud as possible, then she does her *Claire laugh and looks around to see if anyone is looking at her. She repeats this multiple times until the water is gone. 
9:23: Claire lets out a huge burp, *laughs, and then says "EXCUSE ME" multiple times. 
9:25: Claire plays with her magnetic coloring board and stickers.
9:26: I realize that Claire is entertaining herself. I lean forward, move my hair off my back, and ask Richie to scratch my back. 
9:30: Claire gets out Elmo stickers. I peel them off and hand them to her as she puts them on Nana's face and hands. 
9:34: Claire starts singing Itsy Bitsy Spider. Loud. I tell her to be reverent and she cries.
9:35: I hand Claire a new snack and the tears immediately stop. She, again, says "YUM" with every bite. 
9:40: Rest hymn. 
9:43: Claire thinks that the hymn is the closing hymn. Once everyone is done singing and it's completely silent, Claire yells "ALL DONE. AAAAAAAALL DOOOOOOONE!" 
9:45: Another speaker starts speaking. Claire looks confused, then sits down, defeated. 
9:46: Claire asks for crayons to color with. We spend a few minutes flipping through her coloring book to find a page she wants to color. 
9:47: Claire sets down a crayon on her chair and it rolls off behind us. The people behind us bend over, pick it up, and hand it to Claire. I tell her to say "Thank you."
9:48: Claire sets down a crayon on her chair and it rolls off behind us. The people behind us bend over, pick it up, and hand it to Claire. I tell her to say "Thank you."
9:49: Claire sets down a crayon on her chair and it rolls off behind us. The people behind us bend over, pick it up, and hand it to Claire. I tell her to say "Thank you." 
9:50: I pack away Claire's crayons because I'm embarrassed that I'm inconveniencing people repeatedly. 
9:51: Claire cries because she notices that I put away her crayons. We distract her with her cars. 
9:53: Claire repeats the colors of all her cars over and over.
9:56: Claire asks for her bus toy. I tell her that her bus toy is at home and we'll have to play with it later. She lets out a small cry and then gets distracted by her quiet book. 
10:04: Richie and I notice that Claire has been sitting on her chair, quietly playing for almost ten minutes. We give each other a why-couldn't-she-have-done-this-an-hour-ago-look. 
10:05: I lean forward, indicating to Richie that it's back scratch time again. 
10:06: I notice that the speaker has gone over his allotted speaking time. I shoot daggers with my eyes. 
10:07: Closing song. 
10:08: Claire repeats "Pretty song. Pretty song." until I agree with her that the song is very, very pretty. 
10:10: Closing prayer. Claire bounces the whole prayer, and then runs to nursery to see if her favorite leader is there that week. 

I honestly would rather just take a video camera to church one week and record the whole hour, but I don't think anyone would watch it. Except maybe me. Claire is tons of work at church, but she's so energetic and hilarious. I can't imagine a more entertaining little girl. Hopefully this gave everyone a better glimpse at Claire's sweet, crazy personality. 

Happy Tuesday everybody!

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